On behalf of our family, including Ellen, I wish to express our thanks to all of you who have joined us in this remembrance of my brother John as we celebrate his life.

As the family has been reminiscing about John and sharing stories about growing up, what I remember most is John as my little brother. Like many older sisters, I felt it my responsibility to make sure my younger brothers obeyed the rules and behaved. John joined his brothers in their apparent responsibility to assure that I had plenty to do in this regard. Sometimes I'm sure I took on the role of teacher more conscientiously and judiciously then sister or friend. So it's not surprising that when I was at a recent retreat weekend for spiritual growth, the letter I received from John said the following:

Hi, Katya
You did bring about a big change in my life and in my thinking when you gave me the book The Naked Ape by Desmond Morris for my birthday. Even though some of the author's theories have turned out to be not so correct, since reading his book I've continued to be interested in biology, zoology, and anthropology. It's a bit ironic that it was the first meaningful book I read -in its entirety- and it started my way of thinking as an agnostic.
Enjoy your retreat.
Your brother,
John

Well, as I finished his letter sitting on my cot in the middle of the night, I had to smile and think that I had another lesson for John and a much better book to share now. One with more withstanding truth and a much better ending. I was looking forward to sharing my weekend with him the next time I was in Minnesota. Unfortunately, that time is now, and I will never have that chance to discuss those things with John. I guess we'll be able to chuckle over that one when we meet again.

Some people, myself included, who work with children and adults with a wide range of congenital and acquired disabilities, say that the individuals they meet with acquired neurological disorders have had the most profound impact on them. What most of the world notices first is the loss - the loss of function, the loss of ability, the loss of potential, the loss of normality. When we open ourselves to opportunities of friendship, we come face-to-face with the best of humanity. We see the divine in our fellowman. We learn the true meaning of dignity, courage, humility, and what the Greek term "kenosis" or self-emptying. John provided us with this window into courage that many of us realize we wouldn't be brave enough to accept. John accepted the challenge and become a role model. He was a hero.

In closing, I would like to read the following in celebration of John:

I give you this one thought to keep,
I am with you still, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the mornings hush,
I am the swift, uplifting rush of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not think of me as gone,
I am with you still in each new dawn.

To my brother, John.

Katya

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I want to start by saying that John's life had meaning and value that outlasts him......On my way back here from Washington and just before picking up Robin, I had a chance to pause and fish in the Backfoot River in Montana. While standing in the river I was surrounded by the wonders of nature. I observed a eagle over head and a flock of pelicans in the river and thought how John would appreciate this moment. Then I briefly felt a bit of guilt about for being able to enjoying a moment during this very difficult time. Then again I thought of John and how he would want all of us not to worry about him and to begin enjoying life again.

During the long drive here I wondered what I would say about John. Things like "John was a wonderful man." "John was a man full of compassion....." immediately came to mind. But as I thought about this I realized that John is not a "was", which implies something that is past or gone, but rather his spirit, life source and energy still endures at some level and that he is functioning and perhaps even has an awareness of what is now happening around him. As a scientist John knew the basic laws of physics which state that energy can neither be destroyed nor created only transformed. I believe that what happened to John on Saturday was not the end of his existence but rather the beginning of a new level of consciousness for him. Perhaps in a place or dimension without limits or restrictions where John is unhindered by epilepsy and where is soul is free to develop in a direction most healthy for it. So as I stumble through my words about John and when I use the word "was" when referring to him, I mean his physical body which "was" a home for his spirit for 47 years, not his spirit which is now in a place beyond our comprehension.

I want to focus now on the qualities that made John who he is. I especially want to talk about his personal qualities which most influenced me. I will start with courage. What is courage? Courage is the strength to be one's self. John accepted all parts of himself for what he was. He was true to his inner spirit and trusted in it to show him the way. Another aspect of courage is to take a stand against social injustice or to reject the status quo when it is inconsistent with one's own values. John was not a person to follow the crowd or be manipulated by the media. He had the courage and wisdom to reject those parts of our society which were unhealthy for his soul.

John was the most humble person I ever met. By humility I mean that John never put himself ahead or below another human being. To John, all people had equal value, worth and dignity. No man was better than any other. John knew to truly communicate with others they had to be at equal levels. John was also humble before nature. He respected the earth and was very close to it. The earth is now close to John.

John was very helpful. He shared his talents and strengths freely with others. He was always available when others needed him. He had a rich vocabulary but one word not in it was the word "no". He never used this when others asked for help. I recall a time last year when my son Lewis had a problem with his bike and asked me to fix it. I went out in the garage and did my best and Lewis went on his way only to come back a few minutes later frustrated that it was broken again. He when asked me "I thought when you were my age you spent a lot of time on your bike." I told him that I did ride my bike a lot but my brother John was the one who always fixed it if it broke down. I told him, "Sometimes little brothers have to care for their bigger brothers as you might have to help Kai."..........Of course it didn't stop with bikes. John fixed by cars and gave me a brotherly discount. There was never a charge. When he came to live with us in Albuquerque I told him one day you either have to leave (hah hah) or help me build an addition onto the house. When we started the project the first thing I thought we should do is make a plan. John said "We can worry about that later." John seldom worried about things. He used his creative energies for other things. SO the next day we bought the wood and nails we needed and just started to pound the nails and cut the wood. The room started to take shape. Within a few days it was completed. I had to marvel at our work and all done without a master plan. I think in some ways that was how John lived his life. There was no master plan of what he must do. His only goal was to be a good and caring person and do the right thing. He lived for the moment, day by day, nail by nail. Life is meant to be lived in the present. It's a wonderful way to live and the only way John knew how.

John had many other wonderful qualities. We could all create our list.

When I read the program I noticed "1955-2003". The numbers are not so important but the dash between the numbers is. John filled the dash in a remarkable way. He lived a rich and full life. A life of high quality. A shorter life than any of us would have liked but a long life in terms of accomplishments. He accomplished the two most important things one can do. He made the journey one makes with one's self. This is the internal journey of self-discovery where we try and answer the question, "Who am I." John started this journey at a very early age. The second journey is one of relationship with others. John had many journeys with others including his family members, numerous friends and ultimately with his soul-mate Ellen. We were all so happy when their souls somehow managed to find each other is this confusing world.

John taught us all many lessons to live by. Each of us has been impacted by him. We carry the memories of John inside us and in that way his spirit lives on through each of us and beyond.

Brother Jim

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I met John in 8th grade. He was the new kid in school, his family had just moved to Mahtomedi from Eveleth. He became my oldest and closest friend.

The day I met him he was dressed, it seemed, ten years behind the times. As it turned out, he was never a follower of fashion. He was a leader - in many ways. His independent thinking is one of the things I admired about him, along with his personality and his wit.

His family always made me feel welcome and never let me leave the hose without a good meal. Their generosity, like John's, is something I've always treasured.

When you're a kid you make friends easily, but most of the time after a week or so you get tired of each other and then you have a rock fight or something and don't see each other for a while until you're ready to try again.

I never got tired of John - though I can safely say he probably got tired of me. All the times we spent together were important to me. He always made a person feel valuable. If John saw your faults, he would never point them out.

I valued John for his generosity and his disposition. He increased my awareness about our world, and we had stimulating discussions about everything. John taught me about photography, gardening, environmentalism and lots of other topics in our discussions growing up together.

A lot of the characteristics he had, I didn't have, and I think I was drawn to John because we were so different. He was quiet and accepting of people, and I was sort of showy and demanding. I needed John for balance.

John's epilepsy first occurred shortly after we became friends. He never let it get in the way of living his life. I watched him deal with his epilepsy for years. He never complained. I've never known a tougher man.

Bike riding was one of or favorite things to do. We spent summers riding our bikes, visiting friends, or just meeting up together to go for a good long ride.

I remember one time we took our bikes down to Fort Snelling in the back of my truck to explore the bike paths on the River Valley between St. Paul and Minneapolis.

After a long day of riding, we were about a mile from where we left our vehicle, I came up on John's side and told him, "Race you back to the truck." He nodded his approval, and away we went. I passed him and led for a while. He passed me and led for a while.

When we got close to the parking lot I felt my leg muscles burning. I was wondering if I had anything left to win the race. When we got to the last corner into the parking lot, John pulled alongside me, then slightly ahead. There we were, neck and neck when our handlebars crossed. Not being able to separate, over the handlebars we went. When my eyes finally opened, we were in a bicycle sandwich. My foot was in his spokes, his leg was through my crossbars, and we were stuck there in a mangled mess.

I couldn't see John, but I knew he was there somewhere. I turned my head to my left and there was his face, six inches from mine. As our eyes met, we simultaneously burst into laughter, as our blood ran onto the asphalt. We picked each other up, threw our broken bikes in the truck and looked forward to another day of racing.

I'm so grateful that's not the only story or memory I have about John - and I cherish all of them. I will never forget him. I loved him.

Friend Ray Nelson

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